First pronouncement of the new Church of the Holy Buckeye


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By Unnamed OSU Nut on 13:32:21 11/14/02

I. Thou shalt have no other teams before the Buckeyes.

II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image or any likeness of any thing that is of the Buckeyes, except in the case of bobbleheads.

III. Thou shalt not take the name of the Buckeyes in vain. Criticize if thou must, but do not ever leaveth the bandwagon.

IV. Remember Game Day, and keep it holy.
Five days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the sixth day is the Game Day: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates, nor most of all, shouldst thou allow a wedding, are they NUTS?

V. Honour thy head coach and assistants.
That their days may be long upon the land which the Athletic Director giveth them.

VI. Thou shalt not run up the score.

VII. Thou shalt not commit wolverinery. Thou may lay with the wolves if you must, but don't wake up with them.

VIII. Thou shalt not sit during games.

IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy opponent. Thou shalt never disseth thy opponent for fear that it might inspireth them from yon bulletin board.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy opponentís big house (why wouldst thou anyway?), thou shalt not covet thy opponentís cheerleaders (although it does depend on what the meaning of "covet" is if there is a TV closeup), nor his male cheerleaders (and there's nothing wrong with that), nor his foulest of garments, nor his badger, hawk, wolverine, nor any other of those foulest of creatures, or his ass (even if he has a nice one), nor any thing that is thy opponentís.

XI. (New commandment under petition) Thy new president hast said thou shalt not sayeth naughty or conduct thyself in otherwise rude behavior during games with thy opponent. If thou dost not like this commandment, leteth thy president know, forcefully.


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