By Unnamed OSU Nut on 00:01:00 08/21/10
Enjoy the pre-game festivities as TBNIKEBITL performs the incomparable 'Swoosh Ohio', with the traditional 'dotting the i' by a senior fiddle player dressed in a scarlet and cream, sequined cowboy astronaut suit. Following that, is Ohio State's stirring alma mater, Charmin' Ohio, played by the band members who were cut during tryouts, on kazoos.
The teams will take the field from opposite ends to blaring heavy metal tunes, smoke, fireworks and a writhing human sacrifice - brought to you by Botox. The Ohio State Budweisers will enter from the east by Roman Chariots, and the Michigan Dominoes from the west on elephants.
The Jimmy Johnson Extenze coin flip will be held before the game, with the Shake-Weight Dancers performing their routines. After that, 'Are you ready to ruuuuummmmmble?" will echo across the stadium.
The QBs for each team will have mini laser beams in their helmets and whichever fans get pointed out by the lights, will get free Ro-Tel for a year. The WRs will be easy to tell apart from the QBs, as they will have strobe lights on their helmets.
Naturally, fans will be provided vuvuzelas and asked to play them for the duration.