Why I'm glad I'm a Buckeye ...

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By Tom Green on 15:35:36 05/22/02

Ohio State: Basketball team has had four straight 20-win seasons.
Michigan: Last time um was a basketball power was when they paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy a team.

Ohio State: Baseball team has won half of the Big Ten titles over the past dozen years.
Michigan: Last time um was a baseball power was when they illegally used hockey scholarships to buy a team.

Ohio State: Eddie George.
Michigan: Charles Woodson.

Ohio State: Jack Nicklaus breaking par.
Michigan: Wolverines breaking parole.

Ohio State: Brutus Buckeye, a decades-old tradition.
Michigan: No mascot. The old mascot, ScarFace the KleptoWeasel, now sleeps with the fishes (he accidentally walked in on a … uh … coaches’ meeting).

Ohio State: Hard work pays off as O’Brien’s team goes to the Final Four in the coach’s second year.
Michigan: Ed Martin pays off, but the Fab Five time out in their quest to purchase a championship.

Ohio State: Silver bullets mow down the opponent.
Michigan: Stray bullets mow down innocent bystanders, caught in the cross-fire.

Ohio State: St. John – Patron saint of friendships.
Michigan: St. Dismas – Patron saint of the imprisoned.

Ohio State: Magnificent Ohio Stadium.
Michigan: Port-o-Stady, emptied weekly.

Ohio State: Workers expand Ohio Stadium to make it higher and more beautiful.
Michigan: Builders tried to bury their eyesore.

Ohio State: "The Big House" refers to a penal facility.
Michigan: Same.

Ohio State: Star player (Spielman) pictured on a cereal box, as a hero
Michigan: Star player (pick one) pictured at the post office, as a serial offender

Ohio State: The synchronized swimming team is da bomb. Joe Germaine completed bombs.
Michigan: Ted Kaczynski mailed bombs.

Ohio State: Coaches think expulsion from the football team, for a year, may not be punishment enough for a young offender.
Michigan: Coaches think making players miss the first play of the football game is sufficient punishment for young offenders.

Ohio State: Script Ohio.
Michigan: Scripted FBI testimony.

Ohio State: O’Brien’s boys rule the court, regularly.
Michigan: Amaker’s boys appear in court, regularly.

Ohio State: Scarlet Fever
Michigan: HemmaLloyds

Feel free to add your own comparisons.

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