By Gerd on 16:17:47 08/13/08
[In reply to "^^^can't stop posting reminders that he is now in the HOF^^^^ *" by HINYG8, posted at 16:15:08 08/13/08]
It turns out that I DON'T have a post in the Hall of Fame. I was under the impression that I had. This is staggering. I've never been lazily stabbed in the eye repeatedly with a leaky pen before, but now I feel like I can sympathize with those who have. I went to bed last night confident that at least three or four of my posts had been etched into the Hall of Fame, but imagine my horror just moments ago when I scrolled through said Hall and found nothing with my handle on it.
All the mornings of O-Zone Crunch for breakfast, for what? For what?!?!?
I'm done walking down the hall in the morning as I leave for work and slapping my "Post Like a Champion" sign on my wall. I even painted my watch face red to mimic the Fossil watches. Now I've got a bright red watch which is covered with paint. Meaning I can't read it. Meaning that I'm now wearing a silver and red bracelet. I can't wear a bracelet!
I did these things believing that I was represented in the Hall of Fame. Now I just look like a complete loser.
I could always explain to my wife the reason for scribbling out Boo Berry and stenciling in "O-Zone Crunch" because I would tell her, "Baby, I'm a Hall of Famer. This is what we do."
I think when I get home, I'll have to give the rest of that "O-Zone Crun...", I mean Boo Berry, to the dogs. I just...I just can't even look at that stuff anymore.
And what do I do about my vanity plates now?? I'll look like an idiot driving "Gary", my Ford Focus, around with "HOFOZN" on my plates. Instead of "Hall of Fame O-Zone", now it looks like how I feel--"Ho Fo the Zone."
It's like you go to bed one night and you're a stapler, and you wake up and you're a staple. I thought I had given up mediocrity. It turns out I was only in the eye of the hurricane of mediocrity.
I have so much to do now. So many things that I have to fix. I can't believe that I've been lying on my resume this entire time. And how do I explain this to my co-workers? How do you tell somebody that you work next to for eight hours a day that you DON'T have a post in the Hall of Fame? Especially when you have that as part of your signature on your emails. My next email to them, it won't say The O-Zone Forum Hall of Famer at the bottom. It'll just say "Gerd". Instead of an achievement, I leave them thinking of Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. That's my lasting impression anymore. Not, "Hey, that guy has three or four posts in The O-Zone Hall of Fame." Now it's, "Hey, my aunt has GERD. That's funny." NO IT'S NOT!
How do I explain this to the guy at the Dairy Mart? I can't walk in and give my usual, "You giving out the Hall of Fame discount?." We will never share another discount chuckle. How is that fair to the guy at Dairy Mart, whatever his name may be.
I think that's the worst part--that I've unknowingly hurt people that are close to me. And all because I simply assumed that my life had more meaning than it did.
Actually, I think the worst part in all of this, is that I will now have to stop playing theme music where ever I go. I admit, it was sometimes a pain to carry around a boom box and play Randy Savage's entrance music whenever I would walk into a room, but at least when I did it, people knew that "here comes somebody important."
I remember going to the DMV a few weeks ago to renew my license, and the line was extremely long and windy. I opened the door, pressed play, lifted my head up and walked in. Everybody stared, and once they read my self air-brushed (and sequined) O-Zone t-shirt, with "The O-Zone" on the front and "You Guessed It--Hall of Famer" on the back, they began applauding and some lady at the counter escorted me to the front of the line as to "avoid the swine." Now the next time I go to the DMV, I am the swine.
How do I cope without the applause? The accolades? The T-Shirts? I can't afford a new wardrobe. And what do I do with my old one? The Salvation Army is never going to take my O-Zone chaps, I can almost guarantee it. I'll always have "The Jacket", though.
I'm sorry for the rant, I just thought that you all might be as upset about this as I am. Sorry for this lengthy, yet incredibly heartfelt, post. Here's hoping for a good Friday to you, but mine is shot.